Funny Farm

It was the hottest of days

with not a cloud in the sky

to stop the sun's blaze.

But down on the farm

the sun had a funny effect.

A cause for great alarm.

The heat frazzled the brains

of all the fluffy sheep who

bleated madly at passing trains.

Not an unusual act in itself,

unless you consider

the altered state of their health.

When the sheep did bleat

at the passing traffic

they did so whilst standing on two feet.

The sheep were not alone

in their human acts, because

the pigs had bathed in cologne.

Their smell was improved

and, with a little hair gel,

their old image was far removed.

A herd of friesians could be seen

coated in sun tan oil

on their backs in fields of green.

Then there was the cock

parading around the yard

in the farmer's wife's frock.

His feathers had been plucked

and when a tractor drove towards him

his goose was well and truly cooked.

Well, that's what the goose had said

while lying in a baking tray

testing the juice he had basted.

Finally the last creature

to act so strange

is our main feature.

Farmer Giles was the weirdest fellow

who was found standing

naked in a field of blooming yellow.

At one with natural life

he almost had an accident

whilst chopping with his scythe.

Then at the end of the day

everything returned to normal

as the sun said goodbye.

Maybe it's not the oddest place to be

but this is less than half the story.

The rest is excluded due to legality.

Not quite sure when I wrote this. Somewhere between 1995 and 2002.