Monday, 8 July 2013

Funny Farm



It was the hottest of days
with not a cloud in the sky
to stop the sun's blaze.

But down on the farm
the sun had a funny effect.
A cause for great alarm.

The heat frazzled the brains
of all the fluffy sheep who
bleated madly at passing trains.

Not an unusual act in itself,
unless you consider
the altered state of their health.

When the sheep did bleat
at the passing traffic
they did so whilst standing on two feet.

The sheep were not alone
in their human acts, because
the pigs had bathed in cologne.

Their smell was improved
and, with a little hair gel,
their old image was far removed.

A herd of friesians could be seen
coated in sun tan oil
on their backs in fields of green.

Then there was the cock
parading around the yard
in the farmer's wife's frock.

His feathers had been plucked
and when a tractor drove towards him
his goose was well and truly cooked.

Well, that's what the goose had said
while lying in a baking tray
testing the juice he had basted.

Finally the last creature
to act so strange
is our main feature.

Farmer Giles was the weirdest fellow
who was found standing
naked in a field of blooming yellow.

At one with natural life
he almost had an accident
whilst chopping with his scythe.

Then at the end of the day
everything returned to normal
as the sun said goodbye.

Maybe it's not the oddest place to be
but this is less than half the story.
The rest is excluded due to legality.


Not quite sure when I wrote this. Somewhere between 1995 and 2002.

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